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Apr 24th | 1,706 notes
Apr 23rd | 87,341 notes

a guide to terminology as used by western males of the species

prude - a woman who won’t fuck you

dyke - a woman who won’t fuck you because you have a penis

slut - a woman who fucks other people and not you

tease - a woman who won’t fuck you even though she smiled at you

feminist - a woman who won’t fuck you because she has, like, thoughts and stuff

(Source: societyghost)

Apr 23rd | 70,002 notes

magicbuffet:

rodneykong:

shoutout to me for still not having my driver’s license

saving the ozone layer one anxiety at a time

(Source: bobbyhoying)

Apr 23rd | 71 notes
Apr 23rd | 211,200 notes leafsfeelings:

choptail:

*SLAMS REBLOG BUTTON*

HIT REBLOG SO GODDAMN FAST
Apr 21st | 500,877 notes

How To Make Love →

internmarlee:

About seven years ago, all my friends my age got married. And about three years after that, they all started having babies, which set into motion the idea that eventually they’re gonna have to talk about sex to their kids. And that just freaks me out. I have cats—they were broken, but now they’re fixed—so I don’t have to worry about this. However, if I had the opportunity to suddenly be confronted by my son as a young man asking me for advice about sex… with girls… this is what I would say.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.

Love, Dad.

Apr 21st | 393,717 notes
Apr 21st | 58,974 notes
Apr 21st | 617 notes whitesoulblackheart:

Ink Girl by Arnaud Gomet
more edits here … Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ
Apr 21st | 554 notes call-0f-duty:

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